Volume 4, Number 5, Page 3

OUMMCBNOM Self Discovery Quiz

"Finding yourself" is a worthy endeavor, but one which is altogether too
time consuming and confusing to be practical. However, the OUMMCBNOM
has prepared a few simple multiple choice questions through which you
can truly find yourself in less than ten minutes. These questions are
categorized into two different tests encompassing the major points of the
self. Have fun!

Test #l
Are You Nice?

1. When driving, have you ever aimed for small, fuzzy creatures?
    a) yes
    b) no
    c) are deer fuzzy?
    d) yes, but only to reduce overpopulation and prevent starvation

2. If you saw an exceptionally squishy person on the street, would you
complement them on their squishiness?
    a) yes
    b) no
    c) only if I knew the person
    d) define "squishy person"

3. If a quality newsletter of intelligent, dedicated, and beauteous staff
repeatedly made polite requests for letters, you would:
    a) write them immediately
    b) ignore them and suffer eternal damnation
    c) write, but use your letters to mercilessly torment innocentvictims

4. If you had but one fresh Pillsbury Slice-n-bake cookie, and were seated
at a table full of ravenously hungry peers, you would:
    a) eat the cookie quickly, so as not to prolong their misery
    b) trade the cookie for string cheese, which can be shared by everyone
    c) divide the cookie into twelve equal shares
    d) toss the cookie in the air and let the best (wo)man win

5. When you encounter someone you hate intensely, you:
    a) close your eyes, plug your ears, and hum loudly
    b) tell them to go away
    c) Hate? I just adore everyone
    d) bludgeon them to death

Test #2
Are you squishy?

1. Do people tend to squeeze you without being provoked?
    a) yes
    b) no
    c) define "squeeze"

2. What about your cheeks?
    a) yes
    b) no
    c) define "cheeks"

3. Do you ingest large quantities of "squishy' foods, such as jell-o or
pudding?
    a) yes
    b) no
    c) I prefer to bathe in them

4. Have you ever left an item on your stomach, only to find it had become
irretrievably lost
    a) yes
    b) no
    c) huh?
 
5. Have you ever been approached by a stranger who remarked upon
seeing you, "Hey! You are really squishy!"
    a) yes
    b) no
    c) yes, but the stranger was Richard Simmons

Scoring
There is no scoring system for this quiz. To complete the process of
finding yourself, please spend a few moments pondering your answers and
your true self will be revealed.




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