Hello. Today you will be taking the Michigan High School Proficiency Test. It will consume inordinate amounts of time and will unsuccessfully attempt to evaluate your knowledge of many subjects. The test will include both multiple choice and free response questions. When responding to the latter, you may draw any shape you choose, but for the multiple choice questions you must completely darken the oval on your answer sheet that corresponds to the answer you have selected in the test booklet. If you are unable to do this, or do not understand what oval means, please raise you hand.
This examination will require approximately ten hours of your time, during which you will not be permitted to speak, move, or pee, as any of these actions could result in cheating and thus compromise the accuracy of the test results. If you wish, extra time will be provided for you. When you are finished, your test will be delivered to the state's bureaucracy to be evaluated, and will be returned sometime in the next dozen years. Passing is mandatory for the acquisition of a shiny sticker on your diploma (unless, of course, we change the rules again). You may begin.
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